anxiety-laden table-waiting dreams

__Recently I've had a few terrible service industry dreams (I can't bring myself to call 'em nightmares). Most servers have 'em, most of 'em are along the lines of "I keep getting sat with more and more tables and by the time I go to even greet the table they're super-pissed off..." And/or there's not enough support staff like bussers/runners/service bartenders, etc, that slow a server down from working at maximum efficiency. Anyway, the dreams are obnoxious and recently I've had two pretty vivid ones featuring the same horrible white lady.

__She wasn't in the first one all that much, but I was having the classic "can't get to all my tables in time" dream, every table needed something and it was impossible to reach everyone at once. I must have been tossing and turning because my girlfriend nudged me. I woke up instantly, sitting up in bed-- she was like, "Are you OK, can I do anything for you?" I thought about it for a few seconds before asking, "Could you please pour water on table 30?"

__This second one happened last night. In my dream I was "guest serving" at a family-run Cajun place (much like the one I go to here in NYC that flies up Louisiana crawfish, Mara's Homemade, but larger). I didn't know the menu, or the seat numbers, where they kept the silverware or any of the bullshit one has to be on point about when waiting tables... but there I was, getting sat, trying to wing it on personality alone. A friendly server can get away with being a dumbass (or saying some truly outrageous shit--I have another post on here somewhere about all that...), but not with every customer. Sure 'nuff, I had this six-top come in, a family, and the mother was that same woman from table 30. Taking her order took nearly ten minutes while I could see more tables getting sat all around me. Not knowing what was and wasn't on the menu required going back and forth to and from their table to the kitchen to talk to the chef for all the special, off-menu orders, modifications, etc. Chefs love it when you change their menu, too, in case you were wondering. So that was a major hassle... and then their food arrived all wrong, just a disaster. To her credit, this woman didn't send anything back, she decided to eat the food that had arrived with a passive aggressive frown, but not before saying she needed some super-specific kind of sauce and mashed potatoes (me: "We have mashed potatoes?"). Infuriated, I said something like, "Ma'am, I'm going to get what you need to enjoy your meal, but you have to understand you're being quite difficult, with all the special orders, the sauce, everything..." Her eyes started to glow bright white with unbridled anger, but I was already walking away towards the kitchen.
__Miraculously I managed to wake up right then, 9:30am. Instead of going back to sleep, I figured the most passive aggressive thing I could do was stay awake so this lady would never get her sauce & mashed potatoes, thus be unable to eat her food. So, HA! I WIN! All morning it felt like I quit a job in mid-shift, like this c-u-n-t is somewhere soooo pissed off, yelling at some poor manager like, "He was rude to me and then walked away and never came back!" Suck it, lady, suck it.

__It's true, though, that--in my experience--white women are the most likely to request some kind of special bullshit. Saturday n' Sunday brunch: filled with self-important white women. Is there a competition to modify menu items? Here's a brunch order I took from this white-woman circa fall of '08 (and then I'll end this godforsaken post):
__"Hmm, I don't see anything like this on the menu, but could you make a special omelette for me? Within reason, huh? Hmm, ok... I want a cheese, spinach, mushroom, tomato, onion omelette--but I want the onions diced and then sauteed... what type of mushrooms are those? Oh, that won't do--you don't have portabello mushrooms? Alright, alright, forget the mushrooms. Shitaake? Hmm. Asparagus, too, but on the side. Cheddar cheese, please. No cheddar? Only gruyere? I see goat cheese on the menu, I can't have that? For how much extra? Hmm... Really, no cheddar... American? Ok, I'll take the gruyere. How many eggs are in that omelette? Three? I want one more, but not a whole one, like another extra half-egg. I don't want it runny, but I don't want it cooked well-done, either. That comes with toast? No? I have to order a side? Hmm... well what does it come with? A crisp potato patty? What is that? What kind of oil do they use to cook that? Could they cook it in a different oil for me? Well then I'll just have fruit instead. I can only substitue a salad, not fruit? Ok, well then I'll have a salad instead... what type of dressings do you have? Only a balsalmic? I'll have that, but on the side. Can we please get some bread for the table? Right now I'm looking at other tables with bread--oh you bring out the bread when we're done ordering, I see. Mmm--croissant! What, the croissant is extra? Fine, I'll just have the complimentary baguette, but with strawberry jam. Only raspberry? Whatever, fine. Can I do an order of half-bacon, half-sausage? Ungh, ok--bacon then, extra crispy. I should probably eat some fruit, too... do you have a fruit salad? Ok, I'll have that, but no melon if there's melon, definitely no melon. Actually, just strawberries and blueberries, if you can, but more strawberries than blueberries. Oh, don't go, I'm not done--you do eggwhites, right? I want two of the three and a half eggs to be eggwhites and I'd like that omelette scrambled. Plus we're in a hurry and could we get that bread now?"
__Of course, I was insanely busy (and top of it until her order) so it was a hassle, and the last thing a busy kitchen wants to see is an order that looks like this:
TABLE 43 Server: CHESLEY
HAM/CHEESE OMELETTE
***NO
***HAM
***$SPIN
***$ONION
***$TOMATO
***$1 EGG
***NO
***RUNNY
***SCRAMBLED
***WHITES ONLY
***SEE SERVER
***NO POTATO
***SUB SALAD
***S.O.S.
***ONSIDE:
***$ASPARAGUS
***SEAT 2
FRUIT SALAD
***SEE SERVER
***SEAT 2
BACON
***EXTRA
***WELL DONE
***SEAT 2

I was so pissed off after taking that order that I almost broke up with my girlfriend for being a white woman.

Rant: officially over!