...from an email to a friend in the Baton Rouge Chess Club

Sad to hear about the "club folding" (were you making a pun on how many perfectly respectable chess players have been lost to the dark art of Texas Hold 'Em?). When I first moved here I would go out to Washington Square Park and play for small sums of money, and I'd win some, lose some (go up $15, then lose it all, etc), pretty fun, but then the regular park players would start to take it too seriously and start switching up players on the same board--so instead of racking up a $15 lead on an Indian guy, next thing you know some shady Slavic is holding all your rent money (I exaggerate, but barely). One could have argued, but let's just say their particular brand of chess etiquette was somewhat intimidating.

Here's one good one and then I'm gonna get back to work:
So I've worked in a handful of restaurants over the last few years, right-- there was one huge, beautiful three-star place with a large, internationally diverse staff. As I'm sure you've experienced countless times, when someone finds out you play chess, they immediately want to play. After going through the trouble of setting up the board it's almost always a let down because they're terrible--no strategy, poor tactics, non-existent opening knowledge, etc. It's gotten to the point where I don't bust out my set unless I know someone is above decent, and most people are not. Well, at this restaurant, which weeee'll calllll Spice Market (because it's called Spice Market) there was a fellow server, Dimitri, who happened to be from Russia. Chess comes up: "You play chess? I play chess! Let's play chess!" I replied with a quick No Thanks until about a week later I saw him on the subway... his reading material: chess problems. Hmmm, might have to bring out the ol' set after all (and I'm sure you remember my leather roll-up board & wooden pieces stuffed inside that beat up old suitcase... me circa 2000: "I made it myself" your reply: "I can tell!")
So we made it a point to play one day the next week-- we were both working doubles and had breaks in between shifts, so after working lunch we sat down in the downstairs lounge/dining area (closed to the public during lunch), which is this gorgeous, opulent lounge replete with furniture imported from Thailand, no ceiling as the space opens up to the primary ground-level dining room... all this light is filtering in... it was like setting up a chess set in the middle of some kind of dramatic movie. We decided to play game in 15 just to feel out if we needed to make adjustments. I drew white and we immediately got into the two-knights defense (as I am wont to do). After I play both Bc4 and Ng5, he doesn't know well enough to push ...d5 etc, so I ended up keeping the pressure on f7 and busting him out of the opening, not a whole lot of fun. Great, we're all set up and this what's gonna happen--he's gonna be terrible!? We quickly switched colors, reset the clock and started the second game. Feeling a little cocky from the first game, I pushed ...d5 to his e4, which he took, but then I pushed ...c6. That's an opening, right? He took, I captured with my knight... I sacrificed a pawn to develop my knight and open up the c-file and all that business... well, I should have played something a little more sound, or at the very least something I was more comfortable with because next thing I knew, we had ourselves a game. By this time the dinner shift folks started to trickle in to eat the offensively terrible family meal this place served each evening before the PM shift. The servers--mostly actors, musicians, etc, could care less. However, the bussers, a group fifteen or so strong, from places as far-flung as Bangladesh, India, Tibet, Trinidad, Haiti, Colombia, French Guiana, all gathered 'round. It came down to a bishop & rook vs knight & rook endgame, which I won (with the bishop), but barely. We were both in time-control danger territory, making it all the more fun to watch-- made me miss the Baton Rouge Chess Club so much! The bussers all wanted a piece of the action, but we had to squeeze in one more quick game before going back to work. The last game was maybe game in 10min? I don't recall it having been as dramatic or close... like I gained some positional advantage out of the opening, but nothing happened like the first game rout. Anyway, best chess game in NYC--the only one that's made me miss the game so much.
Fast-forward four years to about a month ago to the first nice day this year--everyone is in Union Square Park, just happy to be outdoors... what a release, finally! Admittedly, I was high (THC) at the time and getting ready to sit in the park and do some comedy writing. Who rollerblades up but Dimitri himself. He had a board and wanted to play, but I was high and wanted to write. I acquiesced, agreeing to play ONE game. He said he's been working on his Sicilian Dragon (even flashed me the book from his bag to prove it), so I let him play black. It's a super-close game, lots of delicate positional chess peppered with outrageous exchanges... beyond the extra pawn I managed to pry away, we came down to an otherwise dead-even rook & pawn endgame. I was able to finagle a half-tempo on the last exchange and began marching that solitary pawn down the never-so-long H-file. But then I somehow boneheadedly blundered (???) and gave him an extra move to push far enough ahead of my pawn to secure the draw! Damn you, Dimitri! Of course he was wearing that smug "I just shat out a draw" look on his face...

Crucial Blog Post

__What's up, people? I may have fallen short re the promise to update this blog more often, but I believe the general public has fallen short on their end of the bargain, which, as we all know, was for more members of said general public to check out the blog. You let me down first, public!

__Hmm, so where to begin? I went to Vegas w/ RMC for three nights of Puscifer, but that was back in mid-Feb (has it been that long?). Ended up meeting some truly awesome, inspiring folks while I was there... let's just say this Taint Comedy Great? sticker in the middle of this door is backstage after the last night's performance... great times, indeed.

__In late March/early April I went back to Louisiana for a comedy mini-tour ("Slow Burn") with my friend and fellow comedian, Zach Broussard. The New Orleans show was all right, the Baton Rouge show was so-so (at best), and the Lafayette show was awesome. I'll post my set from the last stop below...

__The weekly show at Kabin, Comedy as a Second Language has been going well enough--we had awesome audiences for the last few months despite the terrible weather and general economic nose dive. However, the last couple of weeks have been off. Not sure what to make of it... The next TAINT COMEDY GREAT? will be Friday May 1st! Check out the details its Facebook event page! All-star lineup: Tom McCaffrey, Roger Hailes, Jared Logan, Ali Wong, Sean Donnelly!?!? Holy shit it's gonna be a fun one...

__I've beeeeeen Twittering, but not a lot. I read more than I post (like blogs, am I right, people?), but I'll throw something out there every once in a while: "I hit the bowl twice and lit a stick of incense with one match!" I'm kind of torn on the site as a whole, but it's so new that we're just beginning to see what fury hath been unleashed.

__Also, I have a busted up foot from playing basketball-- a 260lb black dude smashed my foot. I was afraid my second metatarsal on my right foot was fractured, but after having spent five or six hours at the hospital/clinic, x-rays are showing (somewhat inconclusively) that it's just a bad contusion (re bruise). Either way, I'm in a soft cast (just like a hard cast, but soft) for a week and can't work, so I'm not entirely sure how rent's gonna get paid. Still have some shows I'm booked on--may the drink tickets keep a comin'! And who knows, maybe this blog'll get updated another time or two!

__Oh, and for those of y'all who might be interested, I'll be doing the Naked Comedy Showcase on Saturday May 2nd. 8PM $10 at the PIT (People's Improv Theater). Holla.