COCKfighting

I was just moving some stuff in my room and ran across my Grandad's wallet, which was given to me at his funeral this past May. Chesley Vickers Calloway Sr., not carrying too much stuff: a library card and a membership card to the "MILKDAIRY GAME CLUB."


Turns out the Milk Dairy Game Club was a cockfighting pit that appears to have recently been shut down... and my grandfather was a Lifetime Member, though his card looks shady like he filled out some of the info on his own. Still, he has his member number... I found this interesting article in New Orlean's Times-Picayune that features the President of the MDGC, Carter Kinchen, and cockfighting in general. Here are some excerpts:

Kinchen knows what people think about his sport. That it's barbaric. Brutal. A relic of bygone days. He knows the media loves to focus on the blood and the gore, how the roosters' talons are fitted with knifes, or gaffs, to make the fights quicker and deadlier.
__Yes! It's the media's fault for playing up the slaughtering angle!

In the restaurant that adjoins the cockpit, Kinchen points to a sign above the door advising patrons that "no whiskey, drugs or guns" are allowed on the premises, and that "vulgar language" is also banned.
__No vulgar language!? But you can't have cockfighting without the cock...

It has persisted in Louisiana, Massa said, because of a number of factors. For one, the state's climate is ideal for raising roosters. "It's just like Kentucky is for raising Thoroughbreds," Massa said.
__Because after racing, horses are forced into a pit, have blades attached to their legs, and then fight each other to the death.


__Reminds me of a fake game video game I made up then reviewed for Red Shtick Magazine one time... actually the first of the relatively short-lived series "Game of the Month." The review below is short n' shitty, but after a couple months of writing tech-related stuff the reviews themselves ended up becoming the whole column. Both the reviews and fake covers got much better (IMHO). Anyway, here 'tis, rudimentary photoshopping n' all:

Cock Fighter II: Talons of Fire Tournament Edition has earned its spot as July’s game of the month. While the single-player story mode answers the questions left open at the end of the first Cock Fighter game, the real fun is, of course, found in the versus mode. Like its predecessor, CFII:TFTE’s controls are intuitive and silky-smooth. However, it’s the new features that make this game a keeper: fully customizable spurs, a well-rounded franchise mode, a surprisingly in-depth create-a-cock mode, improved AI, and more. Putting it over the edge are the less noticeable details like the dead cocks piled up in mounds, gamblers’ overflowing spittoons, and the sound of blood spurting when your fighter’s jugular is cut. With little to no lag, even the online gaming is good. There’s no doubt, when it comes to virtual cockfighting, CFII:TFTE is the go-to game.

A Lot of Fart Noises!

___Made $40 today waiting tables. Not waiting on one table, I mean like for the whole shift. Spent a fourth of that on a 2006 Malbec from Mendoza...which I'll be opening now.

___Got a ticket last Friday night for walking between subway cars. I've done it maybe two, perhaps three times since moving here almost four years ago--I could see how it could be dangerous if one was exceptionally clumsy, but not that big a deal.
___So I was trying to make a booked show on time, figured I'd walk through the train to transfer to the G line more easily. There was an undercover cop standing there--he's like "Excuse me sir." I pulled my earbud out and was like "Yeah?" He pulled out his badge and said "NYPD." I was like "Uhhh, ok. Sooo?" He informed me that it was against the law to walk between the cars. Was forced to get off at the next stop (the DeKalb stop on the L line, for everyone keeping track!) while the dude wrote me a ticket. I was infuriated, pacing. He told me that I had to stop pacing or it would be considered "aggressive behavior" which would force him to handcuff me and put me on my knees. All right, fine. So I leaned against the wall and tried my hand at passive aggression. "Sooo, Friday night on the L-train... busting perps moving between subway cars-- pretty tough beat, man." "So, how's that quota coming along? Should try rush hour--every teenager in New York City traverses the entire train a few times." "Man, there are some firefighters in my neighborhood-- what a bunch of pussies--all they do is rescue cats from trees! Now you guys, you guys are effen awesome--keeping the subway safe...from people walking... between the cars?" $75 ticket.

___I accidentally shaved off my soul patch for the first time in forever:


___A friend of mine, Ryan McKee accidentally called me Chelsea at my show last week. My response was kind of weak, considering I've had my entire life to craft a clever come back to this eventuality. Granted, I've done bits about my name before with better success, but when someone messes up my name at my show, the room's reaction is pretty funny in and of itself:


___Oh, and this is how I plan to learn Spanish...and what I watch when I'm high. This kid is fucking AMAZING! It's actually exactly how I was growing up in the Lutheran church in Louisiana, I promise.



___Talked to my dad today for the first time in months. He still lives in a friend's hunting camp because my mom totally fucked him in their divorce. Goes to show that being married to someone for 29 years doesn't mean shit. Adults can still act like greedy children. Basically we're all totally fucked. Wish I could help you, dad! But hey, with the way things are going here in nyc, I might end up being your bunk mate at the camp sooner than later! When the shit really hits the fan, we'll be that much closer to the land we'll be forced to live on....

___THE GLOBAL FOOD CRISIS: So many reasons... diversion of arable land to cultivating biofuels (by the by: filling the tank one time takes the same amount of corn that it takes to feed an African for year). Asia wants meat, too (HELLO!). Trade liberalization making countries dependent on imported food, wiping out local farms...which is bizarre considering the way Western countries subsidize the shit out of their huge agro-businesses.
So there have been riots across the globe at the skyrocketing food prices... it's crazy, really. Some analysts are even saying that the coming unrest will topple governments! So here, for your sick, twisted pleasure, are some political phrases we might hear sooner than we'd like:
--- "Are You Hungry For Change?"
--- "Change We Can Believe In, Bite Into & Digest for Nutrients. Change We Can Poop Out."
--- "I Like Ike... He Tastes Great."
--- "Give Me Lunch Or Give Me Death!"
--- "Ask Yourself: Are You Better Off Than You Were Four Years Ago... When You Weren't Resorting to Cannibalism?"

The Blog of Blogs

Well hello there! I'm so gonna post here waaay more often, starting NOW. That's right--NOW.

I've been busy as shite: doing a bunch of stand-up, producing and mostly hosting the weekly show at Kabin (CSL). Finally finished up the feature-length ZomCom in which I've been acting. Great times--met a lot of really awesome people. I'm sure the movie will be equal-parts funny and scary. Spring '09, I think? Anyway, I've been uploading some behind-the-scene videos on the movie's Facebook page, "The Eaters."

Oh, I bought the Comedy as a Second Language url and threw together a little site with a promo video...or proto-promo video, I should say. Still trying to make a better one... editing is hardly my area of expertise.

Still working five, sometimes six days a week at the restaurant, but it's not nearly enough. This whole "economic collapse" phenomenon is making people rethink where and when they'll dine out... like nowhere and never. So yeah, I'm totally fucked on that front. I've never been flush, but things are harder now than they've ever been. Looks like the case for a lot of people right now...

New president, though, woo woo! I would have settled for a poor white dude, but a black guy is cool, too. By this point, I feel like any change is good. I still can't stand half the voting population from '00 & '04...especially '04. Fuckin' broke my heart to see Bush reelected. I wonder how skewed the "Kids-Coming-Back-In-Body-Bags" to "Record-Oil-Company-Profits" ratio had to get before these deep south dipshits realized they'd made a huge mistake.

What else? On the Altered-front: after semi-binging for what seemed like months, I've been drinking a lot less the last few weeks. Besides not having any money, I was generally feeling quite ill, so I figured it was time to take a break. Ran out of pot, too. Managed to speed things up, which I prefer anyway. One night on stage I told my "first time doing speed" anecdote and a fellow comic threw me what must be a 30ml Adderall capsule. Only me, the king of hording and resourcefulness, could make that last two weeks. I'm not even getting fucked up--I've just been really productive... or more productive than usual, at least. It's like drinking a strong cup of coffee or something. If anything, I realize now how much I could actually benefit from a prescription for a low-dosage pharmaceutical. Any ideas out there? If I had health insurance I guess I could go to a doctor and finagle something... Hmmm, finagle isn't the right word-- it would be an honest-to-god 'scrip.

I have a new phone (an early xmas present) that allows me to get online much more easily, so maybe I'll be posting to ye olde blog more often, for reals this time! ...Some interesting pics here and there, at the very least.

Know what I'd really like? An XBox360 and a nice TV to play it on... holy shit, I've barely had a chance to play some amazing games and so many awesome ones are coming out right now.
Oh, and I'd also use that TV to watch all the great TV that's going on (and catch up on what I've missed... like The Office... I still haven't watched The Office!!!).
Or I'd just like time to update my blog once in a while... that would be cool, too. Or to call my family. Or to read a good book.