Rapture Ready

A friend of mine recently forwarded me a link to this End-Times-related website, You've Been Left Behind. Basically, customers pay to have an email sent out--after The Rapture, of course--to all their friends and family who didn't make the Revelatory cut.

$40 gets you (for the first year, at least):
250mb of storage space that can go out as emails to up to 62 different email addresses. Dare I say, Whoopty Shit?

So anyway, here's what my letter would look like if I were to be Raptured away "like a thief in the night."

Dear Y'all:

HOLY SHIT! THE RAPTURE IS REALLY REAL, FOR REALS! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? I SURE AS HELL DIDN'T! BUT SOMEHOW I MADE THE CUT!!! WOO-HOO! HOLY FUCK NUTS, THE END TIMES!

Oh, and to all you that weren't taken up in the Rapture... uhhh... sorry about that. Just remember: don't take the Mark of the Beast (666, duh!) on either your hand or your forehead. Didn't say anything in the Bible about not getting it on your taint-- just sayin'.

Did any of y'all actually happen to have recorded my Rapture? If so, would you mind posting it on YouTube for me? Just use your account and be sure to just put my name in the tags. Yeah, Chesley or Chesslee, whatever. Both? Either way. Thanks.

Good luck with the Trials & Tribulations, the Seven Seals and all that jazz.

Probably see y'all on the Final Day of Judgement!

Lates,

Chesley Clay Calloway

ps-- I still have about 249.9mb to burn... so attached is some of my favorite, most-jerked-off-to porn. Enjoy!

And then there would be exactly 249.9mb of porn.