___Got a ticket last Friday night for walking between subway cars. I've done it maybe two, perhaps three times since moving here almost four years ago--I could see how it could be dangerous if one was exceptionally clumsy, but not that big a deal.
___So I was trying to make a booked show on time, figured I'd walk through the train to transfer to the G line more easily. There was an undercover cop standing there--he's like "Excuse me sir." I pulled my earbud out and was like "Yeah?" He pulled out his badge and said "NYPD." I was like "Uhhh, ok. Sooo?" He informed me that it was against the law to walk between the cars. Was forced to get off at the next stop (the DeKalb stop on the L line, for everyone keeping track!) while the dude wrote me a ticket. I was infuriated, pacing. He told me that I had to stop pacing or it would be considered "aggressive behavior" which would force him to handcuff me and put me on my knees. All right, fine. So I leaned against the wall and tried my hand at passive aggression. "Sooo, Friday night on the L-train... busting perps moving between subway cars-- pretty tough beat, man." "So, how's that quota coming along? Should try rush hour--every teenager in New York City traverses the entire train a few times." "Man, there are some firefighters in my neighborhood-- what a bunch of pussies--all they do is rescue cats from trees! Now you guys, you guys are effen awesome--keeping the subway safe...from people walking... between the cars?" $75 ticket.
___I accidentally shaved off my soul patch for the first time in forever:
___A friend of mine, Ryan McKee accidentally called me Chelsea at my show last week. My response was kind of weak, considering I've had my entire life to craft a clever come back to this eventuality. Granted, I've done bits about my name before with better success, but when someone messes up my name at my show, the room's reaction is pretty funny in and of itself:
___Oh, and this is how I plan to learn Spanish...and what I watch when I'm high. This kid is fucking AMAZING! It's actually exactly how I was growing up in the Lutheran church in Louisiana, I promise.
___Talked to my dad today for the first time in months. He still lives in a friend's hunting camp because my mom totally fucked him in their divorce. Goes to show that being married to someone for 29 years doesn't mean shit. Adults can still act like greedy children. Basically we're all totally fucked. Wish I could help you, dad! But hey, with the way things are going here in nyc, I might end up being your bunk mate at the camp sooner than later! When the shit really hits the fan, we'll be that much closer to the land we'll be forced to live on....
___THE GLOBAL FOOD CRISIS: So many reasons... diversion of arable land to cultivating biofuels (by the by: filling the tank one time takes the same amount of corn that it takes to feed an African for year). Asia wants meat, too (HELLO!). Trade liberalization making countries dependent on imported food, wiping out local farms...which is bizarre considering the way Western countries subsidize the shit out of their huge agro-businesses.
So there have been riots across the globe at the skyrocketing food prices... it's crazy, really. Some analysts are even saying that the coming unrest will topple governments! So here, for your sick, twisted pleasure, are some political phrases we might hear sooner than we'd like:
--- "Are You Hungry For Change?"
--- "Change We Can Believe In, Bite Into & Digest for Nutrients. Change We Can Poop Out."
--- "I Like Ike... He Tastes Great."
--- "Give Me Lunch Or Give Me Death!"
--- "Ask Yourself: Are You Better Off Than You Were Four Years Ago... When You Weren't Resorting to Cannibalism?"
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