April Fool's Day!

A few years ago I called my mom—I said, “Mom, you know how I went to Atlanta for New Years… well, I fooled around with this German chick and, well, she’s pregnant.”
I was ready for her to be infuriated that I’d gotten this woman pregnant (out of wedlock! omg!), but instead received a completely different reaction: “Oh my God, I’m going to be a GRANDMOTHER! Yay!”
“No, wait—April Fool’s Day!”
"Oh. Son, don't do that."

What a weak April Fool’s Day joke that turned out to be. So I learned my lesson… now when I call, it’s like, “Mom, I knocked up a young woman…”
"Yaaaay!"
“No, wait, mom—like, really young… like, 13.”
"Oh, well… at least I’ll still be a grandmother… "
“Actually, we’re not keeping the baby. In fact, I’m calling you to borrow money for an abortion.”
"Oh my God…"
“But it’s okay, because I’m going to this one doctor who’s aborted the last four of your potential grandchildren… and after this fifth one, my little punch card will be filled up and the sixth will be free!”
*sobbing*
“April Fool’s Day!”