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The reason why I shop at DR.

service industry, shmervice industry

I was carrying a rack of glasses down the stairs at one of my two jobs when I slipped and fell. I tumbled forward, using the glass rack to break my fall. Not one glass broke-- had there not been rubber grips on the floor I would've had shards all up in my grill, no doubt. Anyway, I ended up twisting my back at an awkward angle as my chest hit the rack and the rest of my body crashed into the ground. I filled out an incident report, but not before bringing some rich baller more raw bar condiments. I'm about sick of the service industry, six sometimes seven days a week.

And now? Well-expired pain pills and red wine. They go together like organic skim milk and SmartStart cereal. Like... French fries and spicy mayo. Like internet porn and a crunchy gym sock. Wait, no, that's not right.

From the front lines:

Customer: Do you have more bread?
Me: Yes, yes we do. [extended pause] Oh, you'd like me to bring you some more bread. Rrright.
***
Customer Who Hasn't Even Opened the Menu: What would you recommend here?
Me: I recommend maybe taking a look at your menu before asking me any questions.
***

Customer: Could I get that cappucino with half-whole, half-skim milk?
Me: Sure. I'll bring some water for you, as well. Is half-bottled, half-tap water OK?
***

Customer Who Doesn't Like Ice Water: This water... [pointing] this water has ice.
Me: Yes, yes it does.
Customer: [continues pointing, jabs finger at the glass]
Me: Yep, that's ice all right.
Other Customer at Table: I don't think she wants ice.
Me: [returning with a glass of water, no ice] This water... [pointing] this water has no ice.
***

Me: Hello, how are you doing this afternoon?
Customer: I'll take a Diet Coke.
Me: Oh, I'm fine, too, thanks! Just enjoying the beautiful wea-- wait, what was that?
***

Me: Hello, how are you doing this afternoon?
Customer: I'm doing well, thanks. How are you?
Me: I'm doing all right, doing OK.
Customer: That's fantastic.
Me: No, it's really just OK. Not really fantastic, per se.
Customer: Oh... that's tragic.
Me: Tragic? No, stop it! I'm seriously right in the middle on this one.
***

Me: So, can I bring y'all something to drink while you look over the menus?
Customer: I'll take the steak sandwich.
Me: Hmm, never heard of that before... you want start with a steak sandwich to drink while you look over the menu? I guess I could ask the chef to put it in a blender...
Customer: No, no-- I mean I want a steak sandwich to eat.
Me: Oh, right. So, can I bring y'all something to drink while you look over the menus?
***
Customer: So, do you deliver?
Me: No, I'm just a server here.
Customer: No, I mean...
Me: I suppose when I run food out the table, it's a bit like a "delivery" of sorts.
Customer: No, the restaurant. Do you guys deliver?
Me: Rrright.
***
Customer: How long have you been here?
Me: Since 10 A.M.
Customer: I mean the restaurant.
***
Customer: What salads do y'all have?
Me: Just the ones listed on the menu.
Customer: Oh, sorry.
Me: I forgive you.

The Lion, Witch, and the... the... what was it again?

What's up, people? Hope everyone had a pleasant Tofurkey Day. I sure did. I know it's a cliché, and I know it's lame, but I ate way too much food. All the wine I drank and the little green I smoked is all standard fare. But the mounds of food? Not so much. And I can eat a shit ton of food, too. Almost died last night during a *very* successful Tommy Danger Comedy Hour. We were listed in TimeOut magazine, which made all the difference as far as having-an-audience was concerned.

Last Friday's Taint Comedy Great? Comedy Show! went exceptionally well, as well. Besides Jacqueline Novak, Chris Laker, Brent Sullivan, Aubrey Tennant and Mike Drucker, one Dan Goodman also performed. The Lounge portion of Kabin Bar & Lounge was packed out! Thank you thank you thank you for all your support!

Sooo. Yeah. My apartment is coming along. Just waiting on a wardrobe that's supposedly on it's way. Will be nice to have my clothes out of bags and piles on the ground/strewn over my reading chair, etc. But it's coming along nicely...

All right, time to come clean: I've been enjoying some Soulcalibur III. My girlfriend has a PS2. I bought the game (stays at her place) and I'll be goddamned if it's not the best and most amazing way to waste hours upon hours... Just unlocked Lizard Man... (will post pictures of my thong-clad custom-created character, "C'Treo" soon) MY LEGEND WILL NEVER DIE... and sometimes, yes, MY SOUL STILL BURNS! Sorry, Tekkenites, Virtua Smiters, and Feet Strighters--SCIII is where it's at! I'm sooo glad I can't afford an Xbox360. I'd never get anything done.

Lizard Man!

My man Edge Master (he's not in SCIII, I don't think...)

I've been checking out: Leah Dubie's Smoking Comedy Joint, Archers of Ha, the Scott Kacenga Quartet, Puscifer, Jules Marx, and I'm looking forward to Everything Smaller.

Moved Out, Moved In

All right, all right, all right! Okay, first and foremost, I'm gonna go ahead and plug my next Taint Comedy Great? Comedy Show!

Friday November 16th, 9PMish Free, $2 PBRs
@ Kabin Bar & Lounge -- 92 Second Ave (bt 5th & 6th Avs)
featuring some of my favorite comics:
Aubrey Tennant, Chris Laker, Jacqueline Novak, Brent Sullivan, & Mike Drucker

So, yeah... that's gonna be awesome.

All right, all right. Speed and cheap champagne. Good times.

Hope y'all (all three of you) have been enjoying my mini-blog photo posts. I like 'em, and would like 'em even more if the camera on my phone weren't a piece of shit. But dems da breaks!

I successfully moved out of my itty-bitty apartment in Bushwick (or "East Williamsburg" if you're an asshole) and into a big, beautiful, inexpensive apartment in Ridgewood, Queens. That's right, the same "Ridgewood, Queens" I lived in this past January and February when I completely ran out of money (stayed with the most excellent J. Covello). R-wood has gone from a place of relative last resort (after-all, I was about ready to move back to *shudder* Baton Rouge) to a lair of luxurious enchantment.

My apartment is inexpensive, large, and located on a safe and tree-lined street. It's a couple blocks from where the L & M subway trains meet, so that's pretty convenient. 25+minutes to Union Square ain't all that great, but I'll be reading a lot more (***accepting donations for a Nintendo DS Lite, any color will do, save the pink one***). My room is huge and I pay a little more than my two roommates, but after living in a womb-like hovel since March, I don't mind (it's still less than that place anyway).

My roommates are great, too. Know 'em from when I worked at Spice Market. Equadorian Long Islander Leon sings in a rock band and works for non-profit ogranization that promotes healing-through-music/art for children in refugee camps and other war-torn parts of the world (in addition to their regular curriculum). New Zealander Tim is a jazz musician (plays the skin flute, er, the saxophone) who has just returned from a year traveling the world as the tour manager to the up-and-coming/increasingly-successful band The Checks. He's a party-promoting beast, so watch out. I want to combine Kiwi & Tim and call him Tiwi, but I don't think he'll let me.

So yeah, working a bunch, still, of course. Cash flow is desperate, as usual. 'Nother glass of champagne, good sir! Thanks. Seeing a bunch of shows and performing, too, but not as much as I'd like. Workin' on that now, actually. Will return with more sooner than later. Peace, bitches.