Not So Bad...

So last night I got back from a week in Louisiana (more on that later?)... which made early this morning my first post-Xmas subway ride. Though imbibing liquids and/or consuming foods carries the risk of getting fined, a lot of people bring food & bev along for the ride. Me? I was determined to consume a small "a lot of pulp" OJ and some kind of cereal bar.

I opened the OJ and took a big sip. Me likey da pulpy. I was sitting down, so I figured I could wedge the container between my legs for a second while I busted out the breakfast bar. I... maybe have a problem keeping my legs closed? [never thought I'd say that until post-op] Before I could get my munch on, my OJ flipped upside down and fell to the floor of the L-train. Fuck balls! Surprisingly, the extra pulp made it look like someone had been puking all over the place (note: I've seen upchuck on the train--fresh or otherwise--on many an occasion, but never my own; my classy ass vomits on or directly off of the subway platform, thankyouverymuch)!

All I have is the brown bag they gave me for my "meal," so I tried to use that to sop it up, but it didn't help at all, really. I was pretty embarrassed-- I didn't want to be that guy, you know, the one who makes a mess in just wallows in it OR the asshole that makes the mess and just, oh I dunno know, walks to a different car for the remainder of his or her ride.

So I'm trying to clean it and doing a piss-poor job when my fellow New Yorkers extend the helping hand. A handful of napkins from one fellow sitting across from me, a McDonalds bag from another gentleman halfway down the car, then another brown bag from an adjacent seat. And I'm down there cleanin' that shit up best I can. After a couple of minutes, it's passably chunky-OJ free, but that left me with a couple handfuls of chunky-OJ & filthy MTA-floor saturated napkins, bags, etc. Another lady walked over from halfway across the car to give me a clear plastic bag (like from a produce section of some sort) to put all that mess into. If that weren't awesome enough, I only took one big deep breath/half-sigh before a passenger across from me busted out a bottle of hand sanitizer. Fuckin' beautiful.

Although, considering the infamous "Calloway Luck," I was just waiting for a pregnant woman or some elderly/infirm person to, after all that Disney-magic, walk through the doors and slip and fall on a spot I'd missed. If it happened, it happened after I got off the train 45min later at 6th Ave (yes, the train was running 15min slower than usual!).

PS: in case the one or *gasp* possibly two people that read this blog are wondering the ages and ethnicities of those that lent their helping hands, er, bags/what have you: napkins=middle aged Polish white guy, McDonalds bag=teenage black dude, stranger's brown bag=late 20's-ish Latina lady, clear plastic bag=Asian lady (age? who knows), hand sanitizer=early 20's black lady.

So yeah, I heart New York.