Monday, November 15, 2010

a video I made

There's this monthly show called Anecdotal Evidence in Williamsburg, Brooklyn that my friends Gabe Pacheco & Charlie Kasov run.  Instead of having a host, they have comics make short videos to bring themselves to the stage.  Awesome show.  I did kind of a day-in-the-life type thing.  Here it is, hope you enjoy.

I've been doing a bunch of standup, so sorry about the lack of updates here.  Here's some of that action:

Comedy as a Second Language has been going really well, thanks to everyone who has been coming out to support the shows. 

The feature-length indie zombie-comedy movie in which I acted has just been released in Japan.  Go get it, suckah, especially if your dvd player can play all regions.  Was gonna link to the site, but I can't find it, soooo good luck with all that!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

holy shit balls(ack)

Ok, everyone, I'm gonna totally tone it down now that I know that some very important people are now checkin' out ye olde bloggity blog. Will keep bumhole references to an absolute minimum (of ten or so per post).

Got a letter from my grandmother, completely keeping me abreast of familial concerns. She really is an amazing lady-- she and her twin sister are the matriarchs of matriarchs. Respect. At the end of her last letter, she was all like "we miss you, you should come back (to Baton Rouge) soon... remember, you're a SOUTHERN BOY." Funny how I miss my family and Southern Louisiana, but I still feel like the South can suck a fat one--hospitality? Sure. Keep the xenophobia & homophobia & agoraphobia (!?) and everything else. I recall having been raised on poptarts and Ninja Turtles. Blissfully/unknowingly having played in the aisles of Wal-Mart. Mama's Family & The Highlander. Saved By the Bell. Sure, I read Longfellow's Evangeline. I've taken an airboat tour of a swamp or two. Spent a tremendous lot of time in New Orleans & surrounding areas-- actually, I'm fairly-well versed in my great state's unique and fascinating history. But a Southern Boy? Perhaps a recovering suburban retard, at best--then during my college years adopting the position of world-citizen. It's a world view to which I still adhere, enjoying New York while I can-- it's the world capitol, after all, and ought to stay that way 'til 2027 or so when Bejing takes the title and United Staters resort to civil war & cannibalism (The Road!!! holy shit....), etc. Until then, sex, drugs & heavy bass and/or rock n' roll! Holler. More soon. With links n' all that. Maybe.

--sent from the cell--

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

...on the mobile front

What's up, folks? As of yet no one has offered to make my aforementioned movie, so I guess I'll go back to posting the usual nonsense. Right now I'm updating ye olde blog from my iPhone w/ a wireless bluetooth keyboard. I know, FANCY! It's not exactly a netbook or an iPad, but it'll do for now.

So the CSL Three-Year Anniversary show was super-sick. FIVE-HOUR marathon show! Sean hosted the first half, I hosted the second... the back lounge was packed almost the entire time, plus there were nearly 100 comics just hanging out, helping us celebrate. Here's a list of the performers: Jim Gaffigan, Todd Barry, John Mulaney, Myq Kaplan, Ted Alexandro, Seth Herzog, Yannis Pappas, Matt McCarthy, Ophira Eisenberg, Sam Morril, Morgan Murphy, Rojo Perez, Phil Hanley, Sean O'Connor, MURDERFIST, plus a couple more... it was completely ridiculous! Thanks to everyone who came out and supported the show! Great times... even if TimeOut NY has it in for us, we're still going strong!

My Dad has recently gotten online, which is awesome. We Skyped and drank a beer together this past Sunday, which was sooo much fun. Here's a little belated Father's Day shoutout:
Sonny Calloway is by far and away one of the greatest people I've ever met--he will do anything for anybody, and is the original Altered Beast. Splittin' V's before xmas dinner? Check. Teaching me to smoke on the go by pretending to wash a vehicle at the carwash? Check. Hell, even BEFORE all that goodness, I recall having inquired about Mary Jane when I was 14 or 15, because the smell of this allegedly dangerous drug my friends were starting to enjoy brought me back to being a toddler wondering what exactly was so pungent in my Dad's Tupperware container. His reply: "Well, son, that's marijuana. Now I'm not saying YOU should smoke it, but people do. And just a little bit is all right-- so long as it doesn't affect the way you do your job or treat your family n' friends, then just a little bit here or there is ok. Like eatin' a Valium every once in a while or a havin' a few beers after work--ain't no big deal. However, there are life-ruinin' drugs. Don't ever do nuthin' with needles--lost some good friends to that stuff, you should steer clear. Now, you'll probably run into cocaine, too--that stuff is bad for you. Of course in the 80's everybody was doing it, lots of it around. But it's a bad idea, it'll mess up you sinuses, it's too easy to get hooked on and it's damned expensive... but a little bit of grass, it ain't too bad, but it's all about yer responsibilities."
Notably, he didn't say anything about prescription speed or psychedelics, two of my favorite Altered Beast inspirations. Hmmm... Either way, I've always appreciated his early call for moderation. Dad, I love you!

--sent from the cell--

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Aliens VS Predator VS Terminator VS Mutant Ninja Turtles

All right, someone make this movie already!
Present day, New York City:
--Three Alien eggs find their way into the NYC sewer system, the facehuggers implant embryos in three of the four Mutant Ninja Turtles (no longer teenagers!).  Michelangelo is the only Turtle left.
--A female Predator (breasts & longer dreadlocks!)--upset with the patriarchal/hunting Predator society--goes to NYC to hunt for a trophy to prove her worth to her male counterparts.  It looks like she's hunting Ninja Turtles.
--A Terminator (T-800) appears, hellbent on destroying the three turtle-Aliens (Turtalien?) because, in the Skynet-ruled future, the Aliens are mucking up their robot shit or whatever.
--Michelango, ever the party dude, gets the Predator super-stoned and, instead of fighting, they end up hooking up.  
--The Predator wants to hunt the Terminator because it would make a sweet trophy, but the Terminator just wants to destroy the Aliens-- as does Michelango because they killed his buddies, but is having a hard time because the Aliens kind of look kind of like them.  Right when the Predator is able to provoke the Terminator into fighting, the Aliens show up.
--A battle royale ensues featuring all of the above, plus cameo appearances by both Spiderman and Wolverine who work together to kill one of the Aliens and nearly kill the Predator, too, but Michelangelo manages to stop them.  One of the Alien's acid blood gets all over Wolverine's adamantium claws, but instead of eating through 'em, it just makes his claws acidic on top of already being razor sharp.
--Right when the last Alien is about to get it (from a teary-eyed Michelangelo), a huge, fierce QUEEN Alien bursts in and they all have to work together to kill her in a battle that starts in some huge underground cavern but ends in... Times Square?  Maybe the Grand Central Terminal.
--The Predator takes out the Terminator for her prized trophy, then starts makin' out with Michelangelo.  Also, Spiderman and Wolverine start making out (surprise!).  Weylend-Yutani comes in and quickly removes the queen Alien's carcass to take to its bioweaponry division.  The Predator ship arrives--all the Predators are impressed (& have clearly visible Predator boners), but the lady Predator decides to stay on Earth with Michelangelo (on the condition they move out of the sewer get a real place).  
--Before they leave, Michelangelo trades the Predators a few ounces of pot for some nunchucks that can turn invisible like the Predators' other gear, sparking an eventual civil war within the Predator society because the infiltration of marijuana into the Predator society creates a whole generation of Predators that don't give a shit about trying to prove themselves through hunting.

OK, get to it!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Been A While Since I Rapped At Ya...

What's up, peeps?  My last update was in Nov 2009.  Nothing has happened between then and now, so don't sweat it.  That bruise pictured below got worse, though, and finally healed last week.

The comedy has been going swell.  In January I produced a show in the BR called "L is for Laughter," which went well enough despite inclement weather.  Both my Dad and my brother appeared in some of the promo videos, which were completely ridiculous.  Later in January (back in NYC), the three-year anniversary of Taint Comedy Great? (also my 30th bday celebration) was an insane blast--just a killer show.  Also, a few weeks ago I got to bring Janeane Garofalo to the stage at CSL, which was amazing.  Those weekly shows have been so badass.  My co-producer, Sean Patton, was actually on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and totally crushed.  After Sean's set, Fallon walked on to the stage and plugged the weekly show "Thursdays at Kabin in the East Village on Second Avenue and Fifth Street" or something to that effect.  Sweet.  Also, we have a new(er) promo video, a second one.  Check it out here.

Also, I got a Nintendo DS Lite for Xmas, and snow boots.  For one of the two I bought a cartridge to play downloaded/emulated games.  The modern equivalent of Tetris Attack?  Check.  The New Super Mario Bros?  Check.  Tetris DS?  Check. Modern Warfare 2!?!?  Check.  Not as good as say, XBox360 or PS3, but hey, beggars can't be whiney gamers.  Also, and don't judge me, but I loaded up the Little Mermaid game.  The game is fucking stupid, but I found this bit of dialogue hilarious:


Finally, this past Monday I hosted a benefit this past Saturday for my friend's theater company (and Haiti, too, via the Red Cross), ArtEffects.  I did my fifteen minutes on the front end and then hosted/emceed for like, five hours.  Great times, lots of exceptionally talented performers throughout the evening.  I was altered, for sure (especially by the end)... the lovely/talented photographer Whitney Arostegui was there snappin' some pics.  Here are two of me.

Cheers, folks!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

my vicious bruise

"Yeah, I think I fell off a barstool?"

--sent from the cell--

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Hey Hey

All right.  So let's not be coy, all right?  It's been a while.  I wish I had some huge, awesome news to reveal here.  Hmm.  Well.  Not so much.  Alive & breathing?  Yes, yes.  Hasn't been entirely undocumented, yet forward we go, here or otherwise (see Facebook mobile uploadsTwitter).

I've been busy doing a bunch of standup the last two months, service industrying it fives days a week day (serving, plus bartending on one of those shifts...).  Went to Atlanta to visit family.  Had some friends visit, too.

How about this one?  We did the research, and it turns out there aren't enough podcasts on the internet.  Basically, you can listen to some of what I would maybe write right here if I had more time and/or a functional netbook (or iPhone keyboard peripheral? *fingers crossed!*).  My roommate, New Orleans' own Trey Monaghan (III!), and I have started a weekly/bi-weekly podcast, Dos Cubanos.  It's just us, eating lunch (two Cuban sandwiches) at our favorite diner near our apartment in Ridgewood, Queens.  We chew the fat while chewing the fat over the week's events.  So yeah, if you've missed the sound of my masculine voice and/or are bored, give Dos Cubanos a listen.

Have been writing more, which has been going well enough.  More on that soon--or video of standup, at the very least.  Next Taint Comedy Great? tentatively scheduled for Fri, November 20th...  Me and Sean's weekly show at Kabin, Comedy as a Second Language, has been killin' it, which is great.  New promo video exporting as I type! (edited by yours truly--ie, shitty!)  Save a night or two here n' there, my hosting has improved.  Besides doing a bunch of booked shows (and open mics) over the last couple months, I've also been guest-hosting a weekly show for my friend, the inspiringly talented Yannis Pappas (he was on tour in the Scandinavian countries), at a beautiful little room in Park Slope--the chilled-out lounge of the classy French bistro, Belleville.  Yannis' co-producer, the nuts n' bolts fantastic, Frank "The Banterer" Gallo, has been in there week in and week out, as well, keeping things running smoothly.  Out of the five or six I hosted, only a couple were light attendance-wise--overall it ended up being a very positive experience.  Big up to Sunny, the bartender, too.

Was getting my last outdoorsy sportishness in before we ran out of good weather here.  Despite my busted-up foot, I tried to organize a mid-week weekly game with other comics in Manhattan.  My days off have been Wednesday & Thursday, creating a bizarre mid-week Saturday & Sunday situation.  So on Wednesdays around 3PM, we've been playing at these courts at First Ave & 16th Street.  Stuy-Town, which is basically a 1940's urban renewal, planned neighborhood, has really nice courts... not just nets (a rarity where I usually play in Brooklyn), but glass backboards!  Bathrooms??  Er... surely there's a Starbucks somewhere nearby.

A few weeks ago, I was shooting around out there and my ball got stuck in the net, which I thought looked crazy.

Also, I was high.

So that happened.  I've been enjoying the photo editor on my iPhone, no doubt (though that second pic involved iPhone, Photoshop, mushrooms, & lube).  Good times playin' basketball.  Have even played a couple times with Tom McCaffrey, who is one of my favorite comics.  Despite the fact we're both huge ballers, we've been beaten at 2-on-2 by both a team of Black kids & Asian dudes.  To be fair, our game against the black kids was after we had already played like, an exhausting three or four games, plus at least one of the two kids was really athletic... honestly, even the chubby one was hustlin'.  And the Asian dudes?  Well, they were pretty badass.  We were dead-even matched up with them size-wise (Tom is 6'0 maybe?), but they just exploded.  Whatchya gonna do?

Have also been enjoying some yoga at Yoga To The People in the East Village.  Donation-based, super-chilled out.  Less prone to interference from Mother Nature (seriously, it rained three or four bball Wednesdays in a row!), plus much easier on my body (esp my foot).

There are probably some other amazing things going on that I'm sure the general public is just clamoring to read.  How about that "Public Option", huh?  Wait, what?  That's not about sex outdoors?  *Yawn*

So I saw this guy in the Starbucks next to where I work, and there was this transient/homeless guy.  Amongst all his bags n' things, including a single cup of coffee he'd been working through slowly, I assume, he had a tiny, white, portable dvd player--half-held together with duct tape-- propped up on the table... watching Aliens.  The director's cut of Aliens.  At first I was engrossed by the movie, then I realized it was the director's cut, and then I realized I realized it was the director's cut, and then right when the first facehuggers in the vats that Ripley & co run into in the medlab and one lunges at Burke's (Paul Riser's) face is right at the same time I realized the guy didn't have any shoes plus some sort of insane foot infection but I still wanted to sit there and watch the rest of the movie with him anyway, foot infection & table-waiting to be done be damned!
--It was at that moment that I feared that one day, if I wasn't careful, I would be this guy.  Perhaps I'm really only six really bad weeks away from being the weird guy on the train who, before pooping his pants, rants about The Corporation's greedy & morally reprehensible attempts at capturing xenomorhps for its biowarfare division.  Maybe five-and-a-half weeks, tops.  I mean, I knew it was the director's cut, goddamit!

Halloween was crazy.  More on that soon, too.  Maybe-ish.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

From a rooftop in Brooklyn, er, Queens...

You said something that was really important.
You said something that I've never forgotten.

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Haven't Updated in a While...

...but promise to do so soon!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

new camera

I have a new photo takin' machine, so watch out!